Do you have good girl syndrome? We explain how to identify it

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After teaching you to identify the famous Alexandria syndromeof the impostor and the one of hikikomori, this time we want to talk to you about good girl syndrome. A syndrome that increasingly affects more women than men and whose term was created by the American psychotherapist Beverly Engel.

A syndrome that you may relate to your own personality or that, failing that, you can link to someone in your circle who may be suffering from it. Be that as it may, and in case you still don’t know what this famous syndrome is all about, we can tell you what makes those who suffer from it always give more importance to the wishes and needs of others than to their own.

But what does this syndrome really consist of and how is it possible to identify and deal with it? We tell you everything you need to recognize it and how to know how to deal with it by learning to prioritize yourself.

[De perfeccionista a superdotada: los 5 tipos del síndrome de la impostora]

What is good girl syndrome?

As we have told you, the good girl syndrome usually occurs more in women, although men can also suffer from it and it is mainly identified when the person who suffers it puts the wishes and needs of others before their own. A syndrome that is usually associated with people who have been educated surrounded by kindness, but who have lacked learning to defend themselves or take care of themselves.

These people usually reach adulthood with that personality complacent and with a certain fear of imposing, failing or giving priority. And it is that usually from childhood, society tends to build an image about ourselves and about that idea that we must be good to everyone to feel accepted.

An image of ourselves based on society’s own values, by which usually the person feels that need to constantly want to please everyone so as not to get out of the socially accepted mold that has been instilled in him, but the reality is that achieving this is really impossible.

It is precisely at this point that the person can feel excessively responsible for the well-being of others and pursue that ideal of perfection that is impossible to achieve.

What are the characteristics of this syndrome?

Before covering its characteristics and learning to identify it, it is important to mention that despite being identified as the good girl syndrome, we are not referring to a disorder in itself, but precisely to a profile that can generate a lack of psychological well-being. and problems to the person who suffers it, precisely because of that constant self-demand.

To learn to identify it and deal with it, it is important to know how to recognize some of its main characteristics:

  • Not knowing how to say NO: Usually people who suffer from it have learned so much to put the needs of others before their own, that they do not see themselves with the capacity or right to set limits or simply say NO.
  • Conflict avoidance: This constant concern for others makes them also terrified of hurting them. Precisely this, added to that constant need to maintain an image of a good person before the world, usually makes these people avoid conflicts and avoid being angry.
  • Constant fear of failure: For people with good girl syndrome, failure is never an option. In fact, they often live in constant fear of disappointing others and failing.
  • Lots of difficulty in making decisions: Insecurity and constant doubts in decision-making is another of the main characteristics of people who suffer from this syndrome. In fact, they live with a constant inner conflict, between what their own personality dictates and what their constant need to conform to the image that society has created of themselves dictates.
  • Constant self-demand to not leave the profile: Not getting out of that profile that society has created for these people, makes them constantly beat themselves up so as not to get out of that mold. An aspect that they can take both to their personal and work life, as a couple, academic, social…

How to deal with the good girl syndrome?

One of the main keys to overcoming this syndrome and leaving aside each and every one of its characteristics that define it, is that the person learns to be worth itself, also learn to take control of your life and start prioritizing their own needs and interests.

A series of keys and dynamics that are not exactly easy to adopt for people who suffer from this syndrome, especially because of those constant values ​​that have been implicit in society and in our own circle since childhood.

Precisely for this reason, putting yourself in the hands of an expert in psychology can help precisely to recognize it and adopt dynamics that help reinforce that self-esteem and that importance of working with our own internal dialogue.

Boosting self-esteem, developing assertive skills, putting aside that fear of not being liked by everyone, stopping judging yourself or giving excessive value to the needs of others, is precisely what you will need to put aside this syndrome and improve your psychological well-being once and for all.

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